He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
