Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
