Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize