Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
