sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
