If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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