I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You dont lie about slip and slides
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
