dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
