dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
