I want to stick my p in your. b.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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