My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
either way he was missing a nipple.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
