I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
