you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
porn star boner night. come get it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
