i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
