I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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