I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
