I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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