Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize