last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
