her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
