He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
