Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
