Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
