she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
