they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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