After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
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