Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
this is an emotional support booty call
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
