Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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