It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
