you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
