This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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