his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
