it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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