Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
