Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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