I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
