Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
