He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
