every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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