i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
