Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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