But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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