yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
