Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
