I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
