I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
