Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
