So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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