I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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