bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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