really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
That accounts for only three of the penises
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
