Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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