i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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