That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
