you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
