I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
