how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm like, not good at living.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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