Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
