I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
did you just send me my own nude
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize