well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
