it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
