At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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