Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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