didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
