Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
false alarm. still invincible.
Sober January is a disaster.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
