the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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