I heard we made out
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
