I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
