i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
These tits shall not be calmed
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