Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
