I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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