If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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