Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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