Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
