You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
