But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
