He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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