they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
