It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
