So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
