You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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