why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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