Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think weed is turning my hair brown
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
