I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
