The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
