Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
