super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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