forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
