i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
