I feel great
I just peed on a car
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
