how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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