Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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