dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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