Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
