All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
don't judge my taste in strippers
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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