The maid of honor just puked.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
