Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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