you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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