she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
