Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Randomize
