I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
